


Little Boy Blue

by blakefancier



Series: Parent Howard series [1]
Category: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-30
Updated: 2011-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-26 17:12:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/285827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakefancier/pseuds/blakefancier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Howard's an engineer, not a nanny. And Tony's not impressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Boy Blue

“I need you to watch Tony,” Maria said, practically thrusting the baby into his arms.

“What? No!” And that was not a note of panic in his voice, that wasn’t. “Where’s the nanny?”

“She’s at the dentist.”

“Can’t you get a replacement?” He tried shoving Tony back into her arms, but she backed away.

“Don’t be an idiot. He’s our son, we can watch him for a few hours.”

“Then *you* watch him. I… I… I have work.” Tony snuffled in his arms and he stilled. Oh, God, please don’t wake up, he thought.

“You told me you were going to catch up on your reading today.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.

“For work!” Which was a complete lie, but she couldn’t expect him to watch the baby. Tony was… tiny and fragile and if Howard dropped him, he might break. “What about Jarvis?”

“I have a meeting with the Charitable Fund people in half an hour, Howard. Jarvis has to drive me since you fired our driver.” She kissed Howard’s cheek and Tony’s forehead. “He’s been fed, his diaper’s been changed and he’ll probably nap until Rowen gets back this afternoon. You’ll be fine.”

*****

Famous last words, Howard thought bitterly, you’ll be fine.

“I will give you a million dollars if you stop crying. A million dollars and my Aston Martin, Tony, think about it. You’d be the only infant on the block with your own set of wheels.” He bounced the screaming boy in his arms. “Please, oh, God, please, just shut up!”

Tony just screamed louder, his face red, his tiny fists clenched. An hour, Tony had been screaming for an hour straight and nothing Howard did would shut him up.

“Stop it,” he finally screamed back. “Just stop it!”

That didn’t work and it just made him feel bad for yelling at a two-month-old baby.

“Now I know why some animals eat their young,” He laid Tony against his shoulder and patted the boy’s back. “Okay, okay, I’m a genius, I can do this. You’re not hungry or wet or… or tired… You wanna drink because I could use a fucking drink.”

No, no, what the hell was he saying? He couldn’t give the kid alcohol. Though, it might make Tony sleepy. No, Maria would kill Howard if he did that. Even if death was better than this living hell. Besides, imagine if the tabloids got ahold of that information. His stocks would plummet.

Then what else was there? He paced the room, until it hit him; Maria was always singing lullabies to the kid. Perfect. He didn’t have the greatest voice, but neither did Maria.

Shit, he didn’t know any lullabies. Still, how hard could it be to make one up? He cleared his throat and gave it a try. “Hush, hush…. little baby… don’t cry… Please don’t fucking cry…”

Tony was unimpressed, loudly unimpressed.

“You know what, Tony? Screw this original shit. I’m an engineer, not a songwriter.” He took a deep breath and began singing at the top of his lungs, “There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold and she's buying the stairway to heaven.”

The screaming abruptly stopped and Tony gave a little hiccup.

“Seriously?” he said. Tony let out a quiet sob and Howard quickly continued. “When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed. With a word she can get what she came for. Ooh, ooh, and she's buying the stairway to heaven.”

He kept it up until what’s her face got back from the doctor, dentist, whatever, then quickly handed Tony to her and got very, very drunk.

God, he wasn’t cut out for this. He really, really, wasn’t. Maybe it would get better as Tony got older. He hoped it would.

*****

“I swear to God, Maria,” he said later, after they crawled into bed, “if you leave me alone with that baby again, I’ll smother him.”

She just rolled her eyes and okay, maybe he wouldn’t smother Tony, but it would be a close thing.

He sighed and pressed his face into the pillows: maybe he’d smother himself. After a moment, he lifted his head. "At least the kid has good taste in music.”

**Author's Note:**

> That's right, Howard sings "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. In my own personal fanon, that's the song Howard uses whenever he needs to sing a lullaby to Tony.
> 
> Also, this story may or may not be set in the Teenage Dream universe. I haven't really decided yet.


End file.
